Zack Attack!
by shippudenfanatic
Summary: A collection of random and hilarious oneshots based around the misadventures of Zack and company. CHAPTER 2 IS FINALLY POSTED! Please R&R, and take it easy, it's my very first fanfic :D
1. Sephie's Masamune

Zack Attack

_Author's Note: Chibipinkbunny, thank you for taking writing not worthy of being called literature and helping me to turn it into a somewhat decent piece of fanfiction._

_**Disclaimer:I DON'T OWN FINAL FANTASY OR CRISIS CORE OR SHINRA OR ZACK AND ALL HIS WONDERFULNESS, I ONLY WISH THAT I DID T_T**_

_This is just a little one-shot that I wrote the other day on a whim. I might add a few more later depending on what everyone thinks about it. So please review, everybody! :D_

SOLDIER 1st Class Angeal Hewley sighed as he looked over the not-so-tidy apartment of his trainee, Zack Fair. He vaguely remembered Zack mentioning the other day that his supply of ADHD pills had run dry, although he didn't think much of it until his good friend and colleague Sephiroth called him to inform him that his 'misbehaving puppy' had decided to play a prank. And Sephiroth had, unfortunately, been the victim of Zack's practical joke.

Last week, during a guest appearance at a SOLDIER training session, he unsheathed his Masamune to a room full of muffled laughter. The daring and hyper SOLDIER 2nd Class had spray painted the blade a bright bubble gum pink and covered its length with rainbow Banora apple stickers, leaving his trademark signature (written in Sharpie, of course) on the hilt along with a haphazardly written, "Have a great day!"

Angry to the point of nearly losing his cool composure, Sephiroth had called Angeal to complain and threaten his protégé in a vastly icy tone. After a tense phone conversation filled with apologies for his student's actions, Angeal promised Sephiroth to find Zack and give him a decent thrashing, leading him to where he now stood.

He carefully made his way through the rooms of the small apartment, looking for clues to Zack's whereabouts while avoiding the dirty jeans and uniform pieces strewn across the floor. He winced as he stubbed his big toe for the second time on an old pair of combat boots. _He's lucky Genesis is not his mentor, else this place would be spotless and he would have copies of Loveless everywhere._ He almost smiled at the thought. _Or Sephiroth. With how messy this place is, he would have been speared through with the Masamune by now. _Then he remembered what the Masamune's present condition was, and imagining Zack running from a bright pink blade with apple stickers all over it made him chuckle softly.

Entering the kitchen, he noticed two open cans of Red Bull sitting on the counter. The SOLDIER pinched the bridge of his nose with the first two fingers of his right hand and closed his eyes. Zack without his ADHD medication was bad enough. Now he had to deal with Zack on energy drinks as well? _Why is someone like him drinking that kind of thing anyway? That's for recruits cramming for their morning classes. _He sighed. _Of course. Because he's Zack, that's why. _With a sense of dread, he slowly walked over to the counter to confirm his suspicions that yes, in fact, the cans had been drained of their damned contents.

Angeal looked up at the ceiling, silently questioning the heavens as to what had possessed him to take Zack in as a student. He picked up one of the cans, rolling it in-between his fingers contemplatively. _This is going to be a long day…_

_Thank you guys for the awesome reviews, I thought that I'd be lucky to get just one! :D You're all awesome!  
_


	2. Cloud's Little Secret

Zack Attack!

Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I DON'T OWN FFVII OR CRISIS CORE OR ZACK AND ALL HIS AWESOMENESS, I ONLY WISH THAT I DID T_T**

_Author's Note: This chapter brought to you by procrastination!_

_Chibipinkbunny, thanks for helping me out yet again, I really owe you one! Also, I'd like to thank everybody for the reviews so far. I know there aren't many, but they still make my day. So keep it up! :D_

Zack paced restlessly across Cloud's empty dorm room. Ever since their Modeoheim adventure, they'd been good friends, although it wasn't often that they could coordinate their busy schedules to hang out. With Zack being a SOLDIER and Cloud being a ShinRa grunt, it was rare that their paths crossed, so a lot of their spare time was spent waiting for the other to finish work.

Tired of being patient (Angeal never had rubbed off on him in that aspect), Zack just gave in to his ever-present curiosity and started to sift through the dorm's contents. Compared to his apartment, the small room was spotless. Recruit dorms were usually inspected at least three times a week and the checks were usually made at the drop of a hat, so they had to be perpetually sparkling. Zack had always been one of the recruits that were punished every time an inspection took place. He grimaced, remembering all the times that he'd gotten a nice long lecture from his superiors about his habitual messiness.

Other than what you'd regularly expect to find in the average ShinRa dorm room (spare uniforms, envelopes for future homebound letters, and the occasional swimsuit edition of Midgar Illustrated hidden under the mattress) there wasn't much of interest. At least, until he dropped to the floor to look underneath the beds and spotted a small powder-blue journal pushed far back behind one of the bunks. After a few seconds of desperately trying to reach the book, but only succeeding in brushing its spine with the tips of his fingers, he finally had the idea of pushing it out from under the bunk with the edge of his sword. With a shout of triumph, Zack jumped up from the ground, journal in hand. He opened the journal. "_Property of Cloud Nathaniel Strife"_ was scrawled on the front page in elegant handwriting.

_Oh man, jackpot! Cloud will probably kill me for this, _Zack thought as a deviant smile played at his lips. With renewed interest, he flipped through the next few pages. He laughed when he realized that this book contained Cloud's innermost thoughts. Who was stupid enough to keep a diary in a dorm room? His curiosity faded as he scanned through pages and pages of boring entries until a bright yellow paper caught his eye. Taking it out from in between two pages, he unfolded it to find that it was a flyer from Sephiroth's fan club. He looked back at the page that the flyer had originated from.

~_August 19__th_

_ I'm so stoked! I just got back from another fan club meeting. There wasn't much of anything new, but some one managed to snap of few pictures of Sephiroth while he was taking out a monster in the slums. They were amazing!~_

Zack couldn't hold it back anymore; he just burst out laughing. Alright, he was not only stupid enough to keep a journal, he was stupid enough to write something like that too? Oh, the blackmailing possibilities!

His howls of amusement cut off sharply when he thought he heard a familiar voice coming from near the elevator. He straightened from his currently doubled-over posture and listened. It was Cloud, talking to some unknown companion about their morning training session. Zack paled, looking around frantically for an escape route. Finding none, he bent over and threw the journal as far as he could, given the angle, underneath the cot from which it came and unconsciously put the flyer in his pocket. Then he stood up and started pacing with his hands on his hips, pretending he was still waiting impatiently as Cloud said his goodbyes to his friend and walked in.

"Hey, Zack! Did you have to wait long?"

Zack shook his head. "Eh, not too long."

Cloud nodded. "Good." Then he pointed to a folded up bright yellow paper in the First's pocket. "What's that?"

Zack fought the urge to grimace and cursed inwardly instead. _Damn! The flyer!_

"It's, erm, an urgent report to Sephiroth. Yeah, that's it."

Cloud nodded, suspicion starting to form in his eyes. "I see."

Zack smiled brightly, trying to cover up his horribly told lie. "I actually have to go and give it to him, I just wanted to say hello first."

Cloud nodded again.

"Okay then, I suppose I'll see you a little later."

Before Cloud could question his odd behavior, Zack sprinted out the door and down the hallway. He only slowed when he finally reached the elevator doors. Stepping inside, he unfolded the flyer and read it over, a large smile once again tugging at his lips. He took his cell out of his pocket and dialed Kunsel's number and waited. As soon as he heard his friend's usual phone greeting, he started to enlighten him on the past five or so minutes.

"Man, Kunsel, you will not BELIEVE this…"

_PLEASE REVIEW, IT SHALL MAKE ME SMILE :D_


End file.
